Nothing You Could Have Done
by Poke-Melody
Summary: A patient dies on Sakura for the first time...


Sakura refused to leaf the Leaf Hospital. There was a girl there, a civilian who was sixteen, just like her. She was really sick and Sakura refused to go home until she at least found out what was causing her to be so sick.

Her symptoms were all over the place. It started out with a simple headache. Her family brought her in when she had a seizure. Sakura performed test after test and couldn't come up with any results. She had already had two seizures since she got to the hospital. It's only been two days and she was already looking like she'd been sick for weeks. It was starting to scare her.

"Do you think it's cancer?" Sakura asked Tsunade who was in her office, going over the results of the tests Sakura had ordered.

"I don't think so, that's not what it looks like from the tests. Have you done any more tests besides urine and blood?"

Sakura nervously put her hands together, and seemed to look everywhere except at Tsunade.

"I did a pregnancy test and a drug test. I'm thinking maybe we should do a Spinal Tap but I'm not so sure..."

"Why aren't you sure?" Tsunade asked, putting the paper she was looking at down, and looking up at her student.

"It's just... I've seen patients react to them, they cry out even if they're put into a medically induced sleep. She's so tired and already in pain, I don't want to put her through more than what she needs."

"Sakura, if she has something like Meningitis, she needs a Spinal Tap to test it or she could die within hours. A Spinal Tap is the only way to test for that and I want you to remember that. You can't let your fears affect your judgement. This is your patient so I'll leave the decision up to you. But please keep that in mind."

"Yes, Lady Tsunade..." Sakura said before she made her way out of the Hokage's office.

This was going to be a tough one.

-

Sakura spent a full hour debating. Should she do the Spinal Tap? Or should she take time to eliminate any other possibilities. If this girl did have Meningitis, she could easily die while waiting for not only for those tests to be taken, but for the results. She's never dealt with a patient who was this sick and they didn't already know what caused it at this point. Sakura thought she was ready to treat patients without Tsunade hovering over her shoulder. But she wasn't sure if she could make the decision to do such an invasive procedure like this when she wasn't even a hundred percent sure if this was the right decision.  
Sakura stood up from her seat. She made her decision and she wasn't going to risk it. She'll do the Spinal Tap.

-

She made her way through the hospital, getting the nurses she trusted most to help her through this. She was going to save this girl, no matter what.

"Sakura, are you sure you're up for this?" a nurse asked her once the patient was asleep and they had turned her to her side.

"Yes." was all Sakura said as she as she got the procedure ready.

Sakura carefully slid the needle into the girl's spine, causing the girl to let out a pained moan in her sleep.

"I'm sorry..." Sakura whispered, concentrating on the needle and being extra careful to not let her nerves make her hands to shake. "Okay, I'm about to pull out the needle..."

Just as Sakura made a move to pull the needle out, the girl began to seize.

"Shit!" Sakura cried as the girl shook so violently it caused the nurses to lose their hold on the girl she fell onto her back with the needle still in. "Lift her back up, the needles still there!"

The nurses quickly but carefully pulled the girl back onto her side while Sakura tried remove the needle as best as she could with her patient shaking like she was.

"If she ever wakes up from this, now we have to worry about the possibility of her being paralyzed." Sakura said as she set the needle down and moved to grab the medication to stop the seizure. Once the medicine was administered through the IV, the girl's seizure started to subside. But she was starting to lose blood. Sakura checked the girls back to see if there was any blood coming from the wound of the Spinal Tap, but there was none. So she had to be bleeding internally.

Sakura was honestly at a loss at what to do. She took a good look at the area and there was no way that the needle could've caused internal bleeding. She couldn't think of any reason this girl should be bleeding the way she was.

-

Sakura did all she could, she really did. She did her best to find where the bleeding was located but she couldn't find anything. If only there was a way she could see inside the body... like some machine that can check for issues like that.

The girl's heart had stopped not too long after. Sakura did everything she could think of to start it up again. But nothing worked. She tried for hours. She tried for so long that her arms felt like jelly and she could barely hold herself up. She just didn't want to give up on this girl. She was so focused on her patient she didn't realize when one of the nurses ran off to get Lady Tsunade and Shizune. They had to pull Sakura away from the patient and yell in her face that there was nothing more that she could do.

It was then that Sakura fell to her knees and cried. She gripped and pulled at her hair in anguish. She let out a piercing scream. Sakura just couldn't handle the situation. A patient had actually died on her watch. This girl had put her trust and faith in Sakura and she let her die. Sakura brought up her fist and slammed into the ground, causing a small hole to form in the floor.

She vaguely felt Lady Tsunade grabbing her by her face and try to talk to her. But everything sounded so muddy to Sakura. Her breathing was laboured and she couldn't see. Tsunade's muddy yelling started to grow quiet and before she knew it, everything had gone dark.

-

Sakura had woken up on a bed across the room from her patient. She was alone. Her limbs felt heavy but she forced herself to sit up anyways.

She could see the family in the corner, crying. But the girl's body was no where in the room. They must have moved her to the morgue already.

Sakura laid back down and turned away from the grieving family. She couldn't bring herself to look at them. These were people who put their trust in Sakura and she had let them down. Sakura wanted to cry some more, but she just didn't have the energy to do even that.

What felt like hours but was probably about forty-five minutes later, Tsunade finally came to check up on Sakura. The Hokage took a seat next to Sakura and started talking to her.

"They tell you this job is hard. But they mean the hours of studying and training that goes into this. But nobody ever tells you the emotional toll this job has on you." Tsunade said, looking at the window instead of Sakura. "The possibility of a patient dying on you escapes your mind when you see someone who wants to be like you. I'm sorry. I should have warned you about this when I was teaching you."

"No." Sakura said. "It's a given and I should have been ready for it. But I wasn't. I didn't even think about it, I was too engrossed in the idea of saving everyone. Lady Tsunade?"

"Hm?"

"Did you figure out what caused this? Was it Meningitis like I thought?"

Tsunade stayed silent for a moment before speaking again.

"Apparently she sustained a head injury the other day. Her brained started to swell against her skull which caused the internal bleeding and seizures. There was nothing we could have done at this point."

Sakura hated this feeling of relief. She was relieved to hear that it was nothing she could have stopped, but she also felt guilty for this feeling.

"What do I do now?" she asked, still lying down, looking up at her mentor.

"Go home." Tsunade said, patting her on the head. "Take the next few days off and spend it with your family. Okay?"

"Okay."

-

That's exactly what Sakura did. Tsunade actually got Kakashi to walk her home to make sure she didn't collapse again on the way back. Walking with her teacher really helped her a bit. With Naruto gone training with Jiraiya, it was nice to have someone so familiar there for her.

When she got home, she hugged her parents and spent her time off with them. She spent the time cooking with her mom, she went out fishing with her dad. Ino even came by at one point with flowers and let her know she was there for her.

This job was hard and Sakura knew it would only get harder from here. But she wasn't going to let that stop her from helping people who needed it.


End file.
